tHaNk GoD!!!

Yeah!!!! One paper left!!! The happiest thing is Mechanical Metallurgy was over!!!!! Not as bad as I thought~~ I think I should say the lecturers are quite "merciful" to us because many question or all questions were actually almost the same (same exactly the same) as our exercises or examples. Of course, this doesn't mean I can score very high marks... In fact, I don't think I did well because there were parts of the notes which I thought not that important, so I skipped... Then it came out!! Who should I blame?? Myself!! Haha.. It's ok... It's already much better than my expectation already!! Who to thank?? Thank GOD!!! Not just this that I need to thank Him, but He has been blessings me in ways I never thought of... All I need is to PUT MY TRUST IN HIM... Though sometimes it's really hard... So I am still learning.. Hopefully I can learn fast~~~
One last paper to go which is Characterization of Materials... Can know it's a boring subject from it's name right?? What to do? This is what a Material Engineer has to do... So now I think I shall... watch a few episodes of Bleach.. Then study~~~ Haha...

~~KeEp HoLdiNg oN~~

You're not alone
Together we stand
I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand
When it gets cold
And it feels like the end
There's no place to go
You know I won't give in
No I won't give in

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

So far away
I wish you were here
Before it's too late, this could all disappear
Before the doors close
And it comes to an end
With you by my side I will fight and defend
I'll fight and defend
Yeah, yeah

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
[Keep Holding On lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

Hear me when I say, when I say I believe
Nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change destiny
Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

La da da da
La da da da
La da da da da da da da da

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

Keep holding on
Keep holding on

There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

A song I have been listening quite a lot recently..Especially when I got tired of studying or revising.... Kinda nice song....

sTrEsSeD YeT ReLaXing...??

Blogging has become a "must-do" thing for me nowadays as long as I have a computer near me... It's just like writing diary which I used to do when I was still in secondary school.. I still write once in awhile in Uni but it doesn't happen daily. I just write when I am extremely free given I have the mood to write.. Comparing to other friends' blog, sometimes I do feel what I wrote were kinda childish or a little bit too simple... But like what dear said, this is my blog... I can write whatever I want, as long as I want... Since not many people might be reading my blog, this has really become a place for me to let my heart speaks... I used to blog through Friendster but I realized that many friends were reading.. Some were really worried when come to some depressing things I wrote.. It's kinda contradicting right? I want to post blog and yet hope that less people would read my blog... I can only say that I am another one who cares about what people would think and say about me... When many people are reading what I write, I start to scare that they will start commenting or judging me... Then whenever I write a blog, I will try to write things they would like to read or know.... I am not an author, so I am not good in doing so.. There were many times I remembered I wrote a blog and couldn't continue when it was half way through... Mainly just because I don't want people to worry about me or to let them see the other side of me which is weak and fragile... Inferior maybe??
But now I found myself another blogspot which I only give the address to a few friends.. A place for me to keep them updated with my recent life and condition... A place I can share a lot of things....
Had my Whitewares and Glasses paper this morning... Dear called me before exam to wish all the best which really surprised me and made my day~~ Haha.... It was about 8 something in the morning, usually he will be still in his bed until noon... He purposely woke up and called me, how can I not feel touched or sweet? Right??? Haha... Back to that paper.... Hm... Last time I used to write nice and complete sentences when answering questions which really takes a lot of time... Then I was scolded by friends so I tried writing in point form which really save lots of time man!! Not so rush for me this time... Thank God that my processor didn't disappoint me during the exam.. Haha... Now I leave it to God to do the rest.. (*whisper*But I will still pray hard that I can score an A for this... ) You know, I think I haven't scored A once for a 4 unit paper.... If I remember correctly...
Now, struggling to start studying Metallurgy.. Had spent my afternoon sleeping, redeeming my lack of sleep.. Spent my evening and night watching BLEACH with dear.... Now I understand why so many people like to watch Bleach~~ And, Ichigo is super cool!!! Hehe.... Should I be sleeping now?? I think I should~~~

Second In A Day~~~

I have not been very productive again and tomorrow will be my third paper already.... I thought this will be a bit better than the semiconductor but it proves me wrong... It's true that the notes are less but this subject need more memorizing other than memorizing!! It's all about memorizing... How sad~~~ Just want to give myself a break then continue to revise again after dinner... This paper covers 4 units which means doing badly for this paper will kill me!!! Erm... I mean my CGPA.... It is already bad enough, I really can't afford to make it worse anymore...

Something to highlight : Simon Chai finally managed to conquer the Gem Tower Defense gloriously!!!

The tower defense game looks very interesting where you have to choose different stones according to the recipe to build strong defense to kill the enemy... I think I will join him in playing this game if I am not having exam... It's kinda unfair you know... He only has one paper less than me but he is so much freer than me!!! He has almost one week time to study for a single paper except the first two papers which one of them was very easy actually.... Since he still has many days to study for his next paper, he has been playing DOTA and different type of tower defense after lunch beside me who was trying heard to study.... Haha.....
It's dinner time!!! Then I am back in study mode again~~~

tHaNk GoD~~

Finally I left the bed... Had really bad headache yesterday evening.. Feeling like many nails forcefully piercing into my skull and the worst thing was the pain was only at the left side.. The imbalanced pain made me feel worse.... How I wished I can bang my head on the wall... I tried massaging.. In vain.... I tried sleeping.. No use.... I tried not to move the head and pressed it hard towards the bed.. Not effective.... It was killing me... The worst one I ever had... I really tried ignoring the pain and concentrate on other thing but the pain really drove me crazy.. It was about 8 o'clock and my stomach started not feeling well because my hungry stomach has not been fed yet... I can't go out for dinner in this condition, so we decided to stay and eat instant noodle first since we'll be going for supper then with Jason and gang. But, who is going to cook?? Hehe... FIRST TIME EVER, my dear went cooking the instant noodle for me and himself without grumbling... So touched... He don't even cook for himself even when he is very very hungry... It's my HONOUR!!! Sadly, I only ate few bites... Because the gastric made me feel like vomiting... Felt very sorry to waste his efforts and he had to finish my portion as well in order not to waste the food.. "You're the best, honey!" He complained that the noodles he cook was bad and thought that was why I couldn't finish.. "I promised that I will sure finish it all if I am not having the gastric and headache. It tasted good to me k?" After having "so-called dinner", I took 2 tablets of Panadol, rested for awhile but couldn't sleep. Dear was watching "Click" and it just attracted my attention.... I started to feel much better then, so I woke up and studying while watching the movie... The movie was nice.. Of course I won't tell you that I cried when Michael told his passed-away-father that he loves him so and when Michael is dying.... After the movie, my headache was GONE! So dear's conclusion is

"Watch movie when you have bad headache like me... The more the better, the more the merrier.."

Went supper with Jason, Nick, Josh, Aaron and Sui Ying... I can't move my head too much, think slow but good thing was no more pain.. Had maggi soup as my late dinner.... Had good fellowship with all of them... Always like to hang out with them because they are simply funny and humorous... Went back to dear's place.. Again, I was studying while watching him playing the tower defense... Looked quite interesting but I am always slow in playing computer games.. Mall tycoon is still ok for me... I only suit kiddo computer games other than the mall tycoon...
All in all, I just want to thank God that I am good again, not feeling headache and gastric anymore... In return, I think I should continue to study hard~~~ There's another person that I need to thank, which is dear's mum who gave me the Panadol and chinese medicine when I went KTN and fell sick during the study week.... The chinese medicine helps a lot...
And now, I am feeling the muscle pain after dancing so many times... The dance requires a lot of kneeling.. I guess I am reaping what I sow.... Haha.. But I still enjoy it a lot.. =P

hApPy DaY!!!

I still have 3 more papers to go but my study mood is GONE!!! Probably because I just finished my Semicon paper yesterday which we believed to be the most difficult paper among the five... It turned out to be not as difficult as we thought... It was quite rush for me because I barely have enough time to answer all questions properly... Hopefully can score well for this paper... Somehow I just felt so much relieved after yesterday's paper which has caused me to be super relax since then... I spent the night after the exam chit-chatting with my bee & her silly roommate and doing some nonsense stuff... Actually I couldn't recall what I did after I left Lian's room...Haha~~ I did take out my notes for the next paper, but I just left them lying innocently on the floor.. Haha... Poor thing~~~~
This morning I woke up.. On the computer.. Started surfing the net and watched some entertainment show... I even spent the morning to learn and complete the dance that I tried to learn from a video clip of Korea dance team.. It's a bodyworship dance of "Worthy Is The Lamb" which is very nice... Those are professional dance team, of course they can dance very gracefully... Me?? Haha... Just for fun, not for display... Haha... I admit that I like dancing a lot but sadly I just don't have the cell in me~~~~ A lot of hard works and efforts needed if I really want to dance properly... Still couldn't find which type of dance suits me the most... Perhaps I really do not mean for dancing... Haha.....
I better continue with my studies before I run out of time for studies....

What so great about Semicon???

Finally I managed to read through all the Semiconductor Fabrication Technology's notes by three different lecturers which I actually read through once during the study week but still found clueless about what is going when I read again.....So I tried looking through the past year paper to see whether I know how to do... Gosh!!!! Less than 50% of the questions I know how to answer... There were so many calculation questions and I can hardly remember those equations that I have tried to memorize over the few days!!! Come on la, my brain only got 128MB memory but now I need to save file containing 512MB data... It is just impossible!!! I think it's time for me to change a brain right?? Buy a 1GB's brain should be sufficient... HAHAHA.....
I decided not to study in library today because I am scared that I might start killing people in the library when I get too stressed of not being able to remember what I am supposed to remember... So I stayed in my honey's room for the whole day, sighing and grumbling while looking at that pile of notes... But I really want to thank him for being with me, cheering me up even when he was playing DOTA... I really do not have mood to continue studying anymore.. Perhaps later when I am back in room again... I just hope this would pass soon.... To be frank, I like this subject a lot.. But I don't really like it when I have to memorize so many things~~~ I have to admit that I am not the clever type... I don't have photographic memory as well.. So I need extra efforts to do well... I tried, and I am still trying... Haih~~~~ Can I upgrade my processor as well..??? This current one is too slow... Like what dear always says, I am just Pentium 2... Haha... Sometimes I do envy a little bit on those people who can understand and remember things very quickly... But I understand that HE has made everyone to be different...
Hm.... I think that's all for this time... I would prefer blogging tomorrow night to express how happy I am that Semiconductor paper has passed or how sad I am because I do not know how to do.... Anyway, I try my best and let HIM do the rest.....
Yea, before I forget, Aunty Ee Ling finally received my postcard... She messaged me few days ago, which was few days after I posted that postcard... I thought she wanted to tell me that she has received the postcard... But through what she said and asked, I know she haven't received.. Kinda worried that the postcard has lost somewhere.... I so wanted to ask her but the postcard meant to be a surprise! Today she messaged and said she is really surprised when she received the postcard... And I really want to thank her for her thought of praying for me and my exam... "Thanks, aunty ling~~" She has really been a great and cute aunty to me during Camp Cameron... I really have no idea how come she can always be so energetic and so high everyday (even in the morning during devotion time, when everyone is still sleepy..)... Miss her a lot~~~

Gambatte everyone.... It's just Semiconductor... It's just wafer~~~~

MiXeD fEeLiNgS..

For some reasons, I thought I would cry again when I went back room yesterday night... But to my surprise, no tears came out...Should I be happy or sad?? I sat on chair, looking on my notes, I was totally blank.... Just felt like throwing all the notes away... Haha... Thing people always want to do when they got mad of something but most of the time they won't... Both junior roommates together with their friends were in the room watching movie and I just felt like no one to turn to... People whom I hope would understand did not understand... All I wish that time was a place for my own or someone who can just chat with me and pull my attention away from studies.... Sadly, I have no one to turn to.. So I told HIM that I could not do this alone... The next moment, I thought of a place to just hide for awhile and that was the BATHROOM... Haha... I really started to like the bathroom in campus a lot because sometimes I really hide and cry there... Haha... The cool water managed to cool me down.. So I was much better when I went back room.... I could focus on studies then with less pressure... After awhile, I received a message from my bee asking me whether I am in the room... I was kinda worried that she was too stressed so she wanted to find me and chat.. Of course I always like to chat with her but I really scared that in my unstable condition, I would turn things worse.... Fortunately for me, she was just locked outside her room and she "pai sei" to wake her roommates up, which was very unfortunate for her, so she needed a place for the night.. Sounded super pity... Since my the other beloved roommate was not in, so I asked her to come... We chatted for awhile which really made me feel really warm to have her with me that time... Even though she didn't know about that.... I guess she knows it now.. "Thanks, my dearest ex-roommate.." Finally, one of her roommates woke up in the middle of the night and saw her msg... So she got to go back to her room and I got my pillow back.. HAHAHA...

The next morning, which is this morning, I managed to wake up early... To my surprise again..
So all these surprises indicate that I underestimate myself sometimes?? Haha... I walked to library alone... I always enjoy walking alone in the morning because it gives me time to think of a lot stuffs or just listen to some music..... But most of the time my dearest mummy will warn me not to walk alone even in the campus... I can't deny the security is getting worse these days because one of my friends in Uni was robbed but it was outside campus area... The first thing that came into my mind when I heard about that incident was "Gosh, no place is safe now... Even small town like this, the security is getting worse!!" Back to my studies.. Wasn't very productive today... Can't concentrate much as usual... Maybe today worse because I was very sleepy the whole day since I slept very late and woke up kinda early... But not so stressed.... Because i have been hypnotizing myself that "It is not that important..." Was it effective you should ask me... And I will tell you "NO!!!" Oh no!! What's wrong with me?? What am I doing??? Better stop before I get crazier...

1 dOwN.. 4 tO gO~~~

Taken my Engineering Management yesterday... Wasn't that bad except I was quite rush and my favorite pen ran out of ink... But I always bring extra stationaries to stand by during exam so no worries...
Went back from exam.... Did nothing much... Surf internet.. Eat while watching Heroes... Then surf again.... Only got the mood to study a bit around 12 o'clock due to guilt of being too relax... I enjoyed the dinner even though there were just instant mee goreng, instant mushroom and apples.... But kinda filling... Kinda like the feeling where we have foods on table, then sitting on the floor to eat while watching series with dim light... Sounds romantic?? Haha...
Woke up kinda late.. Dear and I planned initially to go library to study at 9.00a.m. But both of us also couldn't wake up... So by the time we actually woke up and started to get ready, it was already 11.00 something.... Haha... But thank God, we still managed to get 2 bilik karel... I was so tired and I actually slept for about one hour in the bilik karel... Maybe too many days I didn't take my nap?? Could be...
4 more papers to go... The next paper will be the coming Tuesday.. And the remaining papers only have one or two days gap in between... Kinda envy dear... He has about A WEEK to study for one paper!! How unfair~~~ It's ok anyway because I finish my exam one day earlier than him...
I better finish up my Khatijah's part of notes before dinner... Then I can start with another lecturer's part after the dinner.... I really need more concentration... Like what dear said, there is one type of syndrome (he thinks that is considered as syndrome la) that there are some people who can only concentrate on one thing or one person for a very short period of time then get distracted by some other things or people around... Haha... I am one of them he said but just slight one la.. I admit that although at first it sounded a bit insulting.. Haha...It's kinda true because if I can concentrate longer, I won't be writing blog at this time already~~~~ Haha...

ExAm = WaR wOrLd III

About one hour time to my first paper... Don't feel like reading anymore.. Though I have not been reading much for this paper also.... Just pray that I can remember whatever that I have read through la.... People who knows me should know la I am always bad in memorizing things.... So like what Ann said, just crap~~~ Really had fun the other day when I went to Lian's room to study EUP together with Ann... We discussed about a lot of things and how Lian was so amazed at "The art of crapping" which helped Ann to get A- (or A) for her JDM.... Haha... I didn't crap that well, so I only got B（if not mistaken)... Still not in the exam mood yet though my first paper is coming SOON!!! Maybe really need to wait till I get into the exam hall then I will feel like "It's exam time!!"
Hm.. What should I do after EUP?? Guess I should come back and watch <> first... Then sleep for awhile... Go dinner... Then come back watch some movies..... Good idea right?? Such a wonderful plan... Haha... Just kidding la... Need to finish my revision on Characterization first so that I can start my Semiconductor tomorrow....
Ok, it's time for WAR!!!!!!

tRaCiNg ThE pAtH.....

After writing the "depressing" blog yesterday, I went back to my room... No mood to study yet.. So I read through some of the diaries I have written long time ago.... They reminded me of those time.... Those difficult time that my family went through together when my parents just divorced...
I was listening to the radio as well that time... I heard one of the artists said something that reminded me I should stop trapping myself in that "depressing" mood.... She said there are people on this Earth that are struggling to live with very weak breath without complaining.. Then who are we to complain?? Silly me.. truly.. I have experienced a lot with God... He has brought me through a lot of circumstances that I think I cannot make through without Him.... Where will I be or who will I be without Him??? How can I forget that??
Haha.. funny right??? I just wrote a very down blog yesterday, but writing a totally different blog now... I think as I grew older, I started to forget to look at the wonderful things in my life most of the time... Instead, I chose to look so seriously at things that will pull me down and make myself fell pitiful.... I remembered reading from somewhere... One day when you get tired, feeling lonely and start questioning how long more is the road in front of you.... Just stop, look back and see... How long have you come all the way and how you have gone through.... You will know well that you have not done this by your own but with SOMEONE who cares and watches over you all the time even when you do not realize it.... Then perhaps you won't be asking how long more to go because no matter how hard it is, you're not alone in your journey... I guess too many times, I failed to stop and look back.... I just dragged myself forward with my own strength and felt more tired after awhile..... Now I realized the importance of diaries.... Haha... These are the things that help me to retrace the path I have gone through, gain strength and continue my journey.... I believe this does not happen by coincident...

Depressing - A word I thought it can never be used to describe me~~~

Not being productive these few days...
Somehow, the feeling to study hard just gone!!!
My stomach has been "disturbing" me and my mood these 3 days... causing me lazy to do anything...
Something is wrong with me... My bee told me that the speaker of a talk she attended said one out of five women has depression... I guess I am one of them now....
Sometimes I really wonder, I changed or people around me changed??
Couldn't find someone who can speak to my heart anymore....
I still appreciate all those friends around me because they are really great to me.. being with me when I needed them... But couldn't find one who can really understand me anymore..
I used to have friends who can really see through my heart.. I can never hide anything.. I don't even need to say a word to make them understand....
Now, sometimes I tried to make myself vulnerable... But the more I do that, sometimes I feel more invisible...
Seriously, sometimes I need someone who can understand much much more than someone who gives me loads of advices or telling me what should I do...
But ain't this what people normally do??
Even I do the same stupid thing all the time!!!
Stupid right?
Who can be so rational at moment like that?
Perhaps only at blog like this I would admit I am depressed!!!!
Do all human wears different masks all the time?? I mean minimum one..???
I guess we all do...
Do tell me if you have one in mind....
I would like to know such person......

~~晴天了~~

今天终于没下雨了，但我还是比较喜欢下雨天。
今早一起床就感觉很累。
吃了早餐，送他到车站后，就一个人到图书馆念书。
一个人去，的确有点寂寞的感觉。
不知什么时候开始，自己变得那么不甘寂寞了。。。
道莲帮我借了个人房，谢谢你哦。。
一进去，我就开始睡觉了，直到道莲来找我。。真不好意思。。
好不容易终于肯开始认真读书了，肚子却开始作怪。。
最后还是选择回房。。
直到现在，读书的情绪都还没有回来。。肚子却越来越痛了。。
好，就让自己放肆一下。看一看戏，然后在读书吧！！！
炎热的天气过去了。。。天开始黑了，晚餐该吃什么呢？？
不想出去，因为没有那么多体力和精力。。
原来，读书也会让人觉得累。。。
明明这几天都没有做很费力的事情，就只是读书，却累得像刚爬山回来一样。。
奇怪~~~
不过，心情却没有被累的感觉打败。。
很想做很多事，只是累得觉得懒而已。。。
总结是：我是懒惰虫~~~~就这么简单。=)

StUdY wEeK的星期五

平常的星期五应该是我一个星期里最放肆的一天，因为我会好好用这一天来追连续剧，有时甚至可以不眠不休地把整套剧看完。可是study week的每一天都是工作天（当然除了星期天）~~哈哈。。。 这就是平时不读书的下场！！
浑浑噩噩地有过了一天，今天并没有读很多，因为拿着蔡的手提电脑不断地上网或玩游戏。星期五是游戏天的心情始终无法改。唉~~~~没药救的啦。。。
不过很有成就感的是回到家以后，很无聊地看了从网上下载的一个敬拜赞美舞蹈短片。闷闷地就写了一段，还学得蛮不错的。毕竟短短时间内再加上我其实并没有什么舞蹈细胞，可以学会那么一点点我也很开心了，所以我有心情读书啰！！！
这就是我，很容易开心，也很容易伤心。。任何大事，小事都可以影响我的心情。。。我懂不太好，所以也在改变。。。希望以后我更容易开心，不再容易伤心吧！！！

~~怪心情~~

今天老是提不起劲来读书。
很早就到了图书馆，当然比起别人不算早了，但已是我多天来最早的了。
一整个早上都没有心情认真地读书，一会听听电台，下一会玩玩手机。。
是读累了？？还是被某些事情影响了？？
还好我是在个人房里念书，可以不被打扰。
虽然不喜欢这样的心情，但始终不想打扰它，让它好好发泄，然后再继续冲刺吧！！！
希望心情可以很快好起来~~

Is that my fault??

Went for dinner from library just now together with dear, Min Fei and Chee Han.. On the way, something's wrong with the car.... Then suddenly dear was looking at something and I noticed that the car in front was slowing down... The distance between that car and ours was already quite near and dear was slowing down at all since he was looking somewhere else... So I sort of "warned" him by making "ei ei" noise.... I was worried, of course, because we might just bang that car in front.. So dear was shocked by the "noise" I made and break a bit.... I admit I was a bit overreacted.. But who wouldn't do that at that situation?? He was not happy and replied me in a way that to me it's harsh... Will it be my fault as well if I saw that and didn't say anything about that, and then he banged that car?? Then I have to blame myself and being blamed for not saying or doing anything to prevent that...Yea, truly I felt innocent!!! The car was SERIOULY slowing down!! He was NOT looking at the road that time but somewhere else.. And the distance was already QUITE NEAR.... Well, it's still my fault... He is still unhappy and not talking to me since then... Okay, my reaction was TOO BIG!!!! Well, I'll just have to learn to keep quiet and stay cool~~~~~ What else can I say?!!?!!?!

Another day in library~~~

I guess this is the most unbearable time in a semester for me.. Staying in the library for about 10 hours a day to study... Of course one quarter of the time is used for sleeping.. But this is so not me!! Anyway I have to do this in order to not fail in my final exams... Dare not aim too high now.. Got disappointed last few semesters already... I have learned my lesson.. But sometime it really makes me feel like a student to study in library..Haha...
I am studying mechanical metallurgy today.. This has been the third day studying this subject.. But I am still clueless of what I have learned... Seriously, I am not good in this subject... But I really do not want to fail this subject... So no matter how also I have to crack my head to learn as much as I can~~~
Just wish that the finals will end soon.... Missing the time where I can watch series and movies all day and night!!!