MiXeD fEeLiNgS..

For some reasons, I thought I would cry again when I went back room yesterday night... But to my surprise, no tears came out...Should I be happy or sad?? I sat on chair, looking on my notes, I was totally blank.... Just felt like throwing all the notes away... Haha... Thing people always want to do when they got mad of something but most of the time they won't... Both junior roommates together with their friends were in the room watching movie and I just felt like no one to turn to... People whom I hope would understand did not understand... All I wish that time was a place for my own or someone who can just chat with me and pull my attention away from studies.... Sadly, I have no one to turn to.. So I told HIM that I could not do this alone... The next moment, I thought of a place to just hide for awhile and that was the BATHROOM... Haha... I really started to like the bathroom in campus a lot because sometimes I really hide and cry there... Haha... The cool water managed to cool me down.. So I was much better when I went back room.... I could focus on studies then with less pressure... After awhile, I received a message from my bee asking me whether I am in the room... I was kinda worried that she was too stressed so she wanted to find me and chat.. Of course I always like to chat with her but I really scared that in my unstable condition, I would turn things worse.... Fortunately for me, she was just locked outside her room and she "pai sei" to wake her roommates up, which was very unfortunate for her, so she needed a place for the night.. Sounded super pity... Since my the other beloved roommate was not in, so I asked her to come... We chatted for awhile which really made me feel really warm to have her with me that time... Even though she didn't know about that.... I guess she knows it now.. "Thanks, my dearest ex-roommate.." Finally, one of her roommates woke up in the middle of the night and saw her msg... So she got to go back to her room and I got my pillow back.. HAHAHA...

The next morning, which is this morning, I managed to wake up early... To my surprise again..
So all these surprises indicate that I underestimate myself sometimes?? Haha... I walked to library alone... I always enjoy walking alone in the morning because it gives me time to think of a lot stuffs or just listen to some music..... But most of the time my dearest mummy will warn me not to walk alone even in the campus... I can't deny the security is getting worse these days because one of my friends in Uni was robbed but it was outside campus area... The first thing that came into my mind when I heard about that incident was "Gosh, no place is safe now... Even small town like this, the security is getting worse!!" Back to my studies.. Wasn't very productive today... Can't concentrate much as usual... Maybe today worse because I was very sleepy the whole day since I slept very late and woke up kinda early... But not so stressed.... Because i have been hypnotizing myself that "It is not that important..." Was it effective you should ask me... And I will tell you "NO!!!" Oh no!! What's wrong with me?? What am I doing??? Better stop before I get crazier...