R.I.P.

Got a bad news today... A secondary school friend of mine committed suicide.

It was shocking to hear that...

I was not very close with him, but a group of us went kayak and camping once before.

Have been hearing or reading many suicide cases these few days.

Is this a trend?

I heard that he was in depression for quite some time.

I do not understand what does it feel like to be in depression.

Even if I have been in depression also, it must be very mild one.

I thank God that He has seen me through.

I do not know how much courage it takes to make a decision such as this.

But if you have the courage to take this step, why not use the same courage to live on and fight?

I always believe that dawn comes after the darkest time of the night.

I do not know what caused his depression.

But on separate cases where people commit suicide because being dumped, that I really cannot understand.

I just pray that other people who have read about all these cases will not be influenced and think that suicide is a good way out of trouble and sorrow.

Life is worth-living. You will never know what you might find along the journey.

The most important thing is that God will never plan an obstacle that you cannot handle in your life. You can be weary, but don't ever give up!

No matter what, you can seek refuge and strength from the Mighty God who knows your name even before you were born.

Honestly, I am still kind of in shock and feeling heavy for my friend's death.

Rest in peace, bro....

N.o.V.e.M.b.E.r

I have not updated my blog for quite awhile again, as usual...

I was quite busy this whole month. A lot of travelling involved.

This month has been a very interesting and memorable month, though quite tiring and packed.

Many things happened. Maybe I should just list down few that are more important.

1. Status changed. Yes, I am attached now. Many would have known already. For those who do not know yet, now you know. Haha... I am not sure whether I should "announce" like that here, but since I think he does not read my blog and not many people do also, so it's ok. =P Haha... He is a great blessing to me, so I want to share my happiness with people who care.

2. Went outstation alone for one week in Northern region. I felt excited because it was the first time I traveled alone like that. There were two seminars that I was involved, one in Pulau Jerejak and another one in Sungai Petani. Those were places that I am quite familiar of but still I got my mum and sis very worried about me that they call me few times a day. =) It's normal though for a girl to travel alone. It was quite tiring but fun!! =)

3. Home. Went back home for two days before my trip to Penang. To surprise mum and she was surprised! =) Another reason was to go home and check on the flood condition. To make sure that our house is safe from flood. To get ready if the flood get worse. Had a good time at home, as usual. Home sweet home... Shared a lot with mum this time back. Shared with her about this sweet guy I met here. Something I seldom do actually - sharing with mum about my relationship. =)

4. ShenZhen trip. It was a company trip which I was there for work. It was quite fun also but at the same time quite tiring. This was my first company trip and I had many "first time" there, so it was quite a good experience also. Many people said that it's nice to shop in ShenZhen but I didn't manage to get anything during the shopping session. Hm... I was really trying hard to find something to buy, haha, but mission failed... Haha.... So sorry, people... At the end, I only bought few books back from ShenZhen Airport. Haha...

5. Attended 2 weddings. One was my colleague - Isabelle's wedding. Attended her dinner in Ipoh. Then went to Raub to be her "ji muis". She is the funniest and most sporting bride I have ever seen. Another was my LF friends - Erica & Yew Leong's wedding. Even though I have not known them for very long, somehow I felt that their wedding ceremony and dinner were very touching. I think that was the first wedding that almost made me cry. =P Somehow... Wish these two couples stay sweet always and may God bless them abundantly~

So this month is going to an end soon. Looking forward for December. Christmas Session!!! A time to remember the great gift that has been given to us. A time to remind us to be a blessing to others. A time to be spent with our love ones. I am excited!!! =)

That's all for now... I hope my next post won't be too long apart with this post... =P

无奈

原来简单、单纯，一点都不容易。。。

当自己以为真的可以那么释然的时候，

却发现心会隐隐作痛。。。

那是久违了的感觉，

有点熟悉，却也有点陌生。。。

老实说，我不喜欢那种感觉。

但我也知道，那是必经的阶段。

我想，会习惯的。。。

W.a.I.t.

Waiting is a hard process to go through.

Sometimes you won't know how long do you need to wait.

Sometimes you won't know either what you're waiting for will ever come around.

But I am learning.

To wait, patiently, for God to reveal His plan for me.

"Lord, have Your way..."

W.e.E.k.E.n.D

Another weekend passed by... So quickly...

I had a good rest on Saturday... But I missed my colleague's Open House. =P

Had plans for the day but all failed due to the rain. )= Wanted to swim, but it rained, so I can't swim. Wanted to go out and get some stuff, but it rained, so I was lazy to go out since my car was parked far away and I did not have umbrella with me....

I was supposed to sleep early, but ended up sleeping at 1 something.

Went to church on Sunday morning. No choir practice today because it has been shifted to Friday night.

Had a sumptuous lunch at Wong Kei with LF members as farewell for Hamid. Thanks to Edmund for the treat!

Planned to go for swimming again.... I did, but only for 15 minutes... )= It rained again!!!! Isyk!!

Had dinner with Aaron and James at Cravings @ Sunway Giza. I ordered some grilled chicken with Vietnamese style rice which turned out to be quite spicy and it tasted pretty much just the peppery taste... I can't take too spicy food, because I will feel "pening". So it wasn't very good to me.... Aaron and James had Monster Burger... I am not quite sure how they like it... =)

Then off to Station One for some drinks... Hot drinks.... Haha....

Here am I now blogging before going to sleep... Hope to have good sleep without dreams.... Dreaming makes people feel tired...

Good night.... Hope to have a good week ahead....

Romans 12: 9~21

9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good.

10 Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another;

11 not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord;

12 rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer;

13 distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality.

14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.

15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.

16 Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion.

17 Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men.

18 If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.

19 Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay," says the Lord.

20 Therefore

"If your enemy is hungry, feed him;

If he is thirsty, give him a drink;

For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head."

21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

I was really benefited from these verses that were shared during LF this week. Something for me to ponder upon for the week. It is not hard to understand. But it is not easy to be done in real life.

Have you been applying this in your life? How are you going to apply it? (= ~Cheers~

H.o.M.e.

I am back in hometown!!! I did not realize that I am THIS tired that actually I slept most of the time... =P We (Yan Wai, my bro and I) left PJ around 4.00a.m.. Yes, somehow we like to leave at this hour, because we can reach just in time for some breakfast. I drove first. I only managed to drive until Simpang Pulai and thank God my bro woke up just in time to take over. So I slept all the way from Simpang Pulai until Yan Wai's place and from his place till back home.... I have to say my bro is always the best! =P Back at home, I spent quite some time sleeping as well. I really have no idea how come I am so tired. Probably it's the hot weather. =P

Being at home is always good~ But I have to agree that only being away from home then you will start to realize how warm home is... I remember I once read in a novel, "离开是为了有回家的一天..." This one of the reasons why I chose to work in PJ, a not-that-far-away land...

Well, time for dinner! And there's my favorite dish - CRABS!!!!! =)

F.r.I.D.a.Y after Malaysia Day holiday~

It's Friday... and usually everyone will start feeling like weekend already. What more yesterday was Malaysia Day.... So you have this holiday feeling that has not gone by yet together with the going-into-weekend mood that constantly make you feel not working at all.... To make it worse, it's a rainy day. I woke up this morning, wishing so that today's holiday as well so that I can indulge in nice sleep during a rainy day under my warm blanket on my not-so-cozy bed... I think many people struggled as much as I did... =P So I was late for work due to the heavy rain because I can't get to my car which was parked quite far away from my apartment. Had to "tumpang" my colleague's car to get my car. Thanks to the person who took my umbrella. =(

I am going back home this weekend. I believe it's gonna be a tiring trip. But thank God for the good rest yesterday. There have been plenty activities for the past 2 weeks. So some good rest would be nice...

The night before Malaysia day, Karen (my colleague) held a house-warming party at her place. Isa ( my another pretty colleague) and I went to help out straight after work. Not everyone who were invited turned up but the fellowship was great!!! We had lots of fun there... We talked nonsense, made fun of each other, crapped a lot.... The whole house was so noisy and I think her neighbours must be terrified and worried by now~ Karen's daughter was there too... She's adorable. But sadly, she gets attracted to guys more... which should be normal I guess... Hm... But with my experiences at nursery for so many years, I managed to get her play with me at the end. The training all these years by my mum was not wasted. =P We had after party of course. I think the initial plan was go clubbing! Ok, I am not really a big fan of clubbing but I don't mind if going in a big group and have fun together. But eventually we went to Solaris again for pool. They taught me to play snooker. First time. Quite fun though. Just that the table is just too big for someone with short hands and short legs like me. Hah! All in all, it was a great time with all these funny colleagues...

The office really looks empty.... with lots of echoes... haha.... I think it's time to get back to work!

R.a.Y.a B.r.E.a.K.

Raya break ended and I have started working today....

I have decided to stay back in PJ this time for the break for many reasons.

I got to experience the very smooth traffic in KL.... =)

My break was full with activities... It was tired and I am really exhausted by now, but I really enjoyed all the time I spent with different people, especially with my dearest dearest friend, LENE from Singapore!!!

On Thursday night, few of us were invited by our colleagues to celebrate their husband's birthday together at Solaris. We played pool there. Some were quite pro, some (only me actually) was quite noob but I played, while some watched the noob buat lawak... =P It was really fun but I was quite tired that day.

The next morning, I need to wake up very early because our cell group was going to hiking and waterfall. We went to Lepok Falls at Ulu Langat. I was so tired that I slept the whole way. So I can't tell how to go to the place. It took us nearly 2 hours to hike to the waterfall. Along the way, the many leeches slowed us down because we need to stop constantly for leech check and to remove the leeches from our shoes, legs, cloths, hands, etc. There's a pool at the waterfall and the water was really refreshing. We had a great time there playing with the fish, taking photos and eating lemang. The way back took shorter time. I have to mention that the weather was really good and it only started to rain on our way back to respective homes. Thank God!!!!

After that, I decided to go watch movie with my BFF. I did not even take a nap, just showered and changed. We wanted to watch Step Up 3 but the tickets were selling fast and with the queue we knew that we won't be able to make it. So we watched Going The Distance instead. We got a little time to shop before the movie started. =P I won't say that the movie was very good. But it gave or reminded me of certain things. Some parts were really funny. I will just rate it as average... At least, it was not a movie that I feel regret watching it in cinema. =) Then we had supper at Sunway Giza. I have heard of this place for many times but that was the first time I went there. It looks quite happening there. *So SL, YW and AA, I think I have found us a new hang-out place. Haha....

On Saturday, I got to meet my dearest best friend from Singapore. We have not seen each other for a long long time. We met during CNY but we didn't really get to sit down and catch up with each other. We have been mailing each other but nothing beats seeing each other in person and hanging out together!!! Haha... We were used to be known as lesbian during secondary school, because we would hold hands and we hug each other when we met during recess time. We were in different classes during upper secondary. Then we met up with Yin Khoon and Hoi Yin. When there were just me, Lene and Khoon, he was listening to me and Lene talking initially. Then the next thing he said was, "I would really believe if you tell me you two are les..." Hahaha..... I had a great time with them and they made me miss my secondary school friends a lot....

After the gathering, I managed to go home just in time to mandi kerbau and change then off to a dinner at Klang. We were there to represent our company so it was sort of like working actually. Nothing much. Just ate and drank.

I went to church on Sunday morning then caroling practice after lunch. I was slightly better for my part this week. Last week, I really had problem memorizing my part. It sounded better this week also because we had more people this time. Right after practice which finished at 4.30p.m., I rushed to catch Step Up 3 at 5.00p.m. Reached just in time for the movie. Of course I enjoyed this more than Going The Distance. Now I came to think of it, I think I did not watch Step Up 1 & 2 before. So I cannot compare. Personally, I enjoyed the movie and the dance moves a lot... Cool! However, I was quite annoyed by the couple beside me who kept talking throughout the movie and they were eating something with very strong smell. =(

So there goes my happening Raya Break.... and now I am looking forward for the coming weekend where I will get to see many secondary school friends at Lee Jou's wedding... Second girl to get married among our Girl Guide gang... "Congrats girl!!!"

S.e.L.a.H.

Blog, is where I want to express my feelings, be it happiness, sadness, depression, frustration, sense of accomplishment, anything....

Blog, is where I want to let certain people know what's in my mind... Even though I didn't start this blog with intention for people to read....

Blog, is where I keep my memories to serve as reminder of what I have been through and I really want to remember them at that moment....

But recently I was very inactive in my blog... Reason being I have lost the ability to express my myself through words... I seldom even write my diary.... And I wonder why....

I often stared at the blank space, knowing there's a lot of thoughts in my mind, but I just do not know where and how to start....

Probably I have become reluctant to share? Or scared to let others know what's in my mind? I seriously do not know....

Life has been very different after started working.... A lot of ups and downs.... Sometimes I can be very busy with events and activities and appointments and plans... Sometimes I can be so laid back that I can do nonsense at home, alone.... Sometimes I can do nothing at all, except sleep and eat.... I think it has been awhile that I really escape myself from everything, be away and be with myself and GOD.... I think I need a break from the hustle and bustle of city life.... I think I need to have a place and time that I can be with God... I think I have too many things to be settled with Him... I think I need a Selah... Suggestion of place, anyone?? Somehow, I missed the meditation time we had in Camp Cameron which many people complained it's too long... I missed having Selah at the Ayer Itam dam... I missed being in the nature, sitting there alone and letting my mind free.... Free for all thoughts to come out, thoughts that have been in my mind and I am not aware of... Free for God to fill His words...

Anyone thinks he/she need a Selah too and want to go with me? =)

王力宏「你不知道的事」《戀愛通告》主題曲完整版MV ENG SUBS

T.i.R.eD.

Here am I sitting in the restaurant of Grand Bluewave Hotel in Shah Alam blogging while my mind is not really functioning well... We (my company) had a dinner here yesterday night and we have customers who stayed overnight and hence here I am to make sure no one left behind in hotel.... About this First 5 Star Hotel in Malaysia, I shall blog about it very SOON when I am refreshed and regenerated as there are too much for me to comment about it. Well, I am exhausted..... Went back home around 2 yesterday night and woke up at 6....... Maybe I shouldn't complain much because at least I still have 4 hours to sleep... But still, I am the kind of person who need a lot of SLEEP! So.... I am just too boring and I really think I should stop here......

C.O.N.F.E.S.S.I.O.N

Today, He spoke to me in church through the speaker... Right into my heart.... Usually, I might feel that the sermons can be related to my life. But this ONE, it felt as if it was especially for me... Something I need to come to realization, something I need to face it whether I want it or not...

He started the sermon with a very simple and funny story. It was about a tortoise family which planned to go for a picnic... It took them years to decide.... Finally, they started their journey... And it took them maybe 7 years to get to the destination. You know how slow they move... When they finally arrived, they realized that they forgot to bring something. So they cast lots to choose who to go back and get the stuff. The youngest tortoise was chosen. So before it leaves, it told the rest that they can never start eating the food they brought before it comes back. So they agreed and it left... On the 8th year, still no sign of the youngest tortoise. So the eldest in the family started to say, "If no one is going to start eating, I will." Then.... From behind one tree at the back of the tortoises, the youngest tortoise jumped out and said, " See!!! I knew it! I knew it! You guys will not wait for me!!! Luckily I did not leave!!" Funny.... All of us laughed... But the moral of the story is-- Many of us, after being hurt or disappointed, we act like the youngest tortoise... We will wait for the chance to jump out and say, "See! I told you! I told you it's not going to work this way..." And that makes us feel better... and this happens because we hold grudge towards the people who disappointed us in the past...

I have not forgiven "someone" for quite a long time. I thought I did or I simply did not want to admit that I have not. That person disappointed me so so much despite all the good I have done and all the efforts I have put in for something. I was filled with anger towards that person for all the damages caused in me. I did not realize how much it influenced me or I chose not to see it. I have become a different person. Sometimes, I need to accept the fact that I have become kind of anti-social... I kept telling myself that it's ok for me to spend time alone to deal with my emotions... But the more I do, the more depressed I have become. I have become more careful with people. Too careful that sometimes it might be hard for people to reach... I get frustrated more easily with friends, with little things they do, simply because I constantly felt being taken for granted... And that's who I have become and the reason I found it hard to fit in in church sometimes. I lived in denial... Denying that I was NOT fine... Denying that I have not let it go... Denying that what I was doing wasn't right... Denying that I did not forgive that person all these while. Denying the reason why that it still influences me so much... Today, HE told me that I need to let go of the grudges... I need to start realizing and admitting all these things in order to do what HE has put in my heart to do for His kingdom. I knew what I need to do but I do not know how because I cannot put myself to love others as I am so afraid of being hurt and disappointed. But my joy and strength should not come from performance of my service but from the relationship I have with HIM, knowing HIM and walking in HIS presence each day....

This is what I want to write down to remind myself of what HE has spoken to me today. This may not be the day that I can totally get over it and be a new person. This may not be the day that I have totally changed and will be totally fine from now on, but it will be the day where it starts to heal.... How long will it take? I do not know... I have taken this long to realize the need to let it go... So I do not know how long more do I need till the day I am totally fine... But this post will serve as a reminder for me to draw strength from my LORD who told me that I will not be alone in this journey... This post is to help me not forgetting what I felt from the LORD.... And posting it out is probably like making a confession to friends who care to know.... So that they will pray for me, back me up and knock my head if I am slacking.... And most importantly confession and declaration to HIM that I want this change in my life.

And I want to say to that person, "I forgive you for what you have done consciously or unconsciously all these while."

m.I.s.T.a.K.e.

I have made a mistake AGAIN!!! This time is slightly more serious.... It was my mistake, my carelessness, my fault! No one to blame... I am very angry with myself for my carelessness... Sometimes I really do not understand how can I be so careless, so forgetful, so slow.... For one moment, I felt like hitting my head to the wall.... Kek sei.... My seniors covered or settled it for me... To make me feel worse, he did not even scold me... He just "tegur" me to be more careful next time... And the other one was just laughing at me... I was all prepared to be scolded and lectured... However, that mistake gave me the urge to be extra extra extra careful next time.... I would rather take slightly longer time than doing mistakes again.... I will try my very very best to be alert and careful and NOT to repeat the same mistake another time.... And now I experienced why people says, "Through mistakes, you'll learn..."

I may not be the clever one or the fast learner, but I really really want to try... That's why I chose this job. I like what I am doing. True that I am exposed to the slightly uglier side of the world, but that's the truth... Many people couldn't understand why I chose this job... So not me.... I want to challenge myself... I want to believe and prove that I can.... I want the change.... So I will try harder tomorrow.... I will try harder to be better.... =)

*Praying hard I won't be so blur again...=P*

~~HoMe~~

Have been MIA for quite some time... That was because I was kinda busy.... Kinda lazy.... Kinda do not know where to start to blog....

Well, just back from hometown. Many people asked, "Why so rush?" Hm.... The urge to go home? =) And also commitment... and most importantly, to celebrate mum's birthday.... I didn't really like going back home when I was in campus... Honestly.... Probably it was because I was too near to home, so I took it for granted... Or just because I like having time for my own and be away from all problems and complaints... But now, I will look forward to go home every month... Trying my best to go home every month... Probably that was why I wanted to leave home so much, so that I will learn to appreciate my home.... To learn to be independent... To let mum knows that I can be independent and it's time that she should let me to be....

Even though it was just a short time spent together, it was meaningful and fruitful and also eventful... =) Even though it was quite tiring to travel back after three days in a row working OT from Wednesday to Friday, the long sleep on Saturday which compensated the lack of sleep sort of energized me... Even though the celebration was simple and normal, I believe our presence was what mum desires the most.

Lot more to blog.... But I think I should save it for next time.... Because it's time to rest... Praying for a good week ahead....

刺猬

和这一首。。。

First Working Day of the Year 2010! Another small step towards my resolution of the year~

I did well today.... Proud of myself, and I am sure He does too.... I was supposed to rest earlier today but my dearest bro-in-Christ suddenly sent me a text to ask us to tune to red fm because he dedicated a song to us. Though I do not have radio, but we're in a canggih era now that I can still tune in to red fm using internet. Oh man, he's on the line! Haha... OK, no one actually dedicated songs to me like that... And "bro, as much as we saw you through, you guys see me through as well. It's truly God's blessing that we have each other as bro and sis who cheer each other on. I know that our God has been there with us... And He is still with us... Surrender those feelings that you do not like to Him, and you'll be surprised with what He can do..."

My MUST ACHIEVE New Year Resolution for this year!!!

I have a long list of resolutions for this year. But one thing that is very very important for me is to let go. Letting go is never easy, I guess. At least for me, it is... I have a stubborn heart. People who knows me well enough will know. If you don't think so, maybe you do not know me good enough... Haha... Let go and let God is what I want to do starting from right now... Maybe no one will understand. But HE does... HE will see me through and HE will grant me sufficient strength and grace that will make sure I end each day with a thankful and grateful heart. Because of HIM, I know I can look at myself as a new person because HE has forgiven the mistakes I have done. HE made me look at the guilt that I tried to hide in the deepest corner of my heart and HE let me know that HE will take it away so that I can start anew. This hole in my heart, there's no one else but only HIM alone can fill... I am waiting patiently for this day that the wound is finally be completely healed... I trust this day will come soon...

Today is the first Sunday service of the year. I enjoyed every song sang during the Praise & Worship session. God always speaks in HIS very special way. He always sends comfort in the way I am least expected and I am thankful. I will walk tall each day because I know for sure my God is by my side....

"Thank you, my Abba Father..."