B.r.E.a.K

It's Thursday.... Tomorrow will be Friday and then comes weekend!!!

I do look forward for weekend... But then another new week comes after the weekend...

Then another month...

Then another year... Then.... Hahaha....

Have to accept that time flies... =)

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Maybe not many people know that my parents divorced so many years ago...

We stayed with mom.

Haven't really kept in touch with my father since he decided not to give us monthly allowance...

Years back, he got a stroke... Then he stopped working... We visited him a couple of times.

Last year, he got another minor stroke... We visited him few times...

Weeks ago, he got another stroke... We visited him at the hospital during the last trip back to hometown...

Honestly, he feels strange to me... He looked so much older and weaker...

I stood in front of him, thinking hard what to say... I was told that he didn't speak since he admitted to hospital.

Even the doctor wasn't sure whether he does not want to talk or that he cannot talk.

I prayed for him before I left. The only I can do and he cannot stop me from doing so too. =)

Tears almost came out when I was in the elevator.

I asked myself many times, "Have I really forgiven him?"

I am not sure of the answer. I want to, but I am not sure whether I have...

I am sure my sis has greater love than me. She visited him many times and kept updating us of his condition...

I pray for him...

I know about honoring our parents...

But "parent" = one who gives birth to or nurtures and raises a child; a relative who plays a role of guardian....

He does not feel like someone like that to me....

Am I mad or angry at him? Honestly, no.

But he still feels strange or not familiar to me....

He was not in my life for so long....

The fact is, he is still my father.

Mom called yesterday and obviously she is not keen in knowing much or doing much for him.

I know mom has not forgiven him.

The good thing is that she doesn't hate him. At least not as much I think. =)

I will keep praying for my father and that God will take control.

I must say I have a heavy heart, I struggle, I hesitate.

I pray, Lord, to check my heart.

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I wonder where do all the emo-ness come from?

Lunch time is over soon and time to get back to work. =)