Sometimes I look at myself I feel that I am such a stupid person...
I know the truth... But I chose to ignore it and thought that miracle would happen if I try hard enough...
Silly is the only word I can think of....
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
I want proper sleep.. No nightmares or bad dreams...
Hm~~~ Just thought that I should update my blog but too many things in my head and I just do not know how and where to start. Last week was a very tension week for me because I was so stressed with my FYP and thesis until I barely slept well. I always set my alarm clock to wake me up early in the morning but I ended up waking up later than I wanted as well. One day I really did something very funny in my attempt to wake up early. I was not quite sure which day was it, might be thursday... The night before I was super duper tension with my thesis (all of a sudden), so I stayed up quite late until I really cannot stand. So I thought maybe I should sleep and wake up earlier instead. So I set my alarm clock to wake me up at 5.00A.M. When it rang, I wanted to reset to maybe 15 minutes later but semiconsciously I did something else without knowing. I remembered Tow Lian called me back to ask me why I call her. Opss.... Then I went to school that morning at 8.00A.m. to wait for my turn to do SEM test. While I was waiting, I received a sms from Aaron which said "Wow so early, take care sis." I wondered for awhile, why he sent me a sms like this? How he knows I woke up early? So I messaged back to ask him. He said that I smsed him at 5.00A.M. and said "GAMBATE." What??? I really cannot remember what I have done. Too bad I deleted all my sent messages while I was clearing the unwated messages... So now I know I can sleep-smsing... Hahaha.... Still normal if I just send a blank sms right? Hahaha.. I wonder did I ever call someone while I was sleeping and tell my secrets?? Hm...
I guess the rest of the week revolved a lot around my FYP and thesis... Haih... FYP syndrom... And these few days, my neck and shoulders were really aching so badly until massage also cannot help to sooth it. My massage sifu's skill also cannot make them better.... I really do not know what's the cause to it...
Had really great dinner just now with the outgoing committee. I really enjoyed the fellowship a lot. One thing that touched me the most was the gift Joshua Prakash gave me. A bar of chocolate and a bookmark. The one with the design that I like. He remembered what I said.. So touched... The message he wrote on it really touched me too... Just something to clarify, I get tired very easily one wo... Where got dunno what's the meaning of tired... Hahahaha... "Thanks Joshua, really glad to have you in my CG..."
Then something I must mention is the salted chicken bought from Ipoh.... "Thanks bro..." It has been so long since the last time I had. So nice~~~
One last thing... I really have to admit that I am old... Haha... Because two hours with the kids today at Sunday School really made me real exhausted.... For the first time, I wish the service ends earlier... Hahaha.... But still, I love kids.... =)
Good night again~~~
I guess the rest of the week revolved a lot around my FYP and thesis... Haih... FYP syndrom... And these few days, my neck and shoulders were really aching so badly until massage also cannot help to sooth it. My massage sifu's skill also cannot make them better.... I really do not know what's the cause to it...
Had really great dinner just now with the outgoing committee. I really enjoyed the fellowship a lot. One thing that touched me the most was the gift Joshua Prakash gave me. A bar of chocolate and a bookmark. The one with the design that I like. He remembered what I said.. So touched... The message he wrote on it really touched me too... Just something to clarify, I get tired very easily one wo... Where got dunno what's the meaning of tired... Hahahaha... "Thanks Joshua, really glad to have you in my CG..."
Then something I must mention is the salted chicken bought from Ipoh.... "Thanks bro..." It has been so long since the last time I had. So nice~~~
One last thing... I really have to admit that I am old... Haha... Because two hours with the kids today at Sunday School really made me real exhausted.... For the first time, I wish the service ends earlier... Hahaha.... But still, I love kids.... =)
Good night again~~~
Thursday, March 19, 2009
What is wrong??
For the first time, it did not work...
For the first time, I felt like this...
For the first time, I think I am going to explode...
For the first time, nothing calms me down...
For the first time, I hope it ends soon...
For the first time, I felt like this...
For the first time, I think I am going to explode...
For the first time, nothing calms me down...
For the first time, I hope it ends soon...
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Just a story to share...
The Pastor and his son
A good reminder of God's Love.
Every Sunday afternoon, after the morning service at the church, the Pastor and his eleven year old son would go out into their town and hand out Gospel Tracts.
This particular Sunday
afternoon, as it came time for the Pastor and his son to go to the streets with their tracts, it was very cold outside, as well as pouring down rain. The
boy bundled up in his warmest and driest clothes and said, 'OK, dad, I'm ready.'
His Pastor dad asked, 'Ready for what?'
'Dad, it's time we gather our tracts together and go out.' Dad responds, 'Son, it's very cold outside and it's pouring down rain.'
The boy gives his dad a surprised look, asking, 'But Dad, aren't people still going
to Hell, even though it's raining?'
Dad answers, 'Son, I am not going out in this weather.' Despondently, the boy asks, 'Dad, can I go? Please?'
His father hesitated for a moment then said, 'Son, you can go. Here are the tracts, be careful son.'
'Thanks Dad!'
And with that, he was off and out into the rain. his eleven year old boy walked the streets of the town going door to door and handing everybody he met in the street a Gospel Tract.
After two hours of walking in the rain, he was soaking, bone-chilled wet and down to his VERY LAST TRACT. He stopped on a corner and looked for someone to hand a tract to, but the streets were totally deserted.
Then he turned toward the first home he saw and started up the sidewalk to the front door and rang the door bell. He rang the bell, but nobody answered. He rang it again and again, but still no one answered. He waited but still no answer.
Finally, this eleven year old trooper turned to leave, but something stopped him. Again, he turned to the door and rang the bell and knocked loudly on the door with his fist. He waited, something holding him there on the front porch! He rang again and this time the door slowly opened. Standing in the doorway was a very sad-looking elderly lady. She softly asked, 'What can I do for you, son?' With radiant eyes and a smile that lit up her world, this little boy said, 'Ma'am, I'm sorry if I disturbed you, but I just want to tell you that *JESUS REALLY DOES LOVE YOU* and I came to give you my very last Gospel Tract which will tell you all about JESUS and His great LOVE.'
With that, he handed her his last tract and turned to leave. She called to him as he departed. 'Thank you, son! And God Bless You!'
Well, the following Sunday morning in church Pastor Dad was in the pulpit. As the service began, he asked, 'Does anybody have any testimony or want to say anything?'
Slowly, in the back row of the church, an elderly lady stood to her feet. As she began to speak, a look of glorious radiance came from her face, 'No one in this church knows me. I've never been here before. You see, before last Sunday I was not a Christian. My husband passed on some time ago, leaving me totally alone in this world. Last Sunday, being a particularly cold and rainy day, it was even more so in my heart that I came to the end of the line where I no longer had any hope or will to live.
So I took a rope and a chair and ascended the stairway into the attic of my home. I fastened the rope securely to a rafter in the roof, then stood on the chair and fastened the other end of the rope around my neck. Standing on that chair, so lonely and brokenhearted I was about to leap off, when suddenly the loud ringing of my doorbell downstairs startled me. I thought, 'I'll wait a minute, and whoever it is will go away.' I waited and waited, but the ringing doorbell seemed to get louder and
more insistent, and then the person ringing also started knocking loudly. I thought to myself again, 'Who on earth could this be? Nobody ever rings my bell or comes to see me.' I loosened the rope from my neck and started for the front door, all the while the bell rang louder and louder.
When I opened the door and looked I could hardly believe my eyes, for there on my front porch was the most radiant and angelic little boy I had ever seen in my life. His SMILE, oh, I could never describe it to you! The words that came from his mouth caused my heart that had long been dead, TO LEAP TO LIFE as he exclaimed with a cherub-like voice, 'Ma'am, I just came to tell you that JESUS REALLY DOES LOVE YOU.' Then he gave me this Gospel Tract that I now hold in my hand.
As the little angel disappeared back out into the cold and rain, I closed my door and read slowly every word of this Gospel Tract. Then I went up to
my attic to get my rope and chair. I wouldn't be needing them any more.
You see---I am now a Happy Child of the KING. Since the address of your church was on the back of this Gospel Tract, I have come here to personally say THANK YOU to God's little angel who came just
in the nick of time and by so doing, spared my soul from an eternity in hell.'
There was not a dry eye in the church. And as shouts of praise and honor to THE KING resounded off the very rafters of the building, Pastor Dad descended from the pulpit to the front pew where the little angel was seated.
He took his son in his arms and sobbed uncontrollably. Probably no church has had a more glorious moment, and probably this universe has never seen a Papa that was more filled with love & honor for his son.... Except for One.
Our Father also allowed His Son to go out into a cold and dark world. He received His Son back with joy unspeakable, and as all of heaven shouted praises and honor to The King, the Father sat His beloved Son on a throne far above all principality and power and every name that is named.
A good reminder of God's Love.
Every Sunday afternoon, after the morning service at the church, the Pastor and his eleven year old son would go out into their town and hand out Gospel Tracts.
This particular Sunday
afternoon, as it came time for the Pastor and his son to go to the streets with their tracts, it was very cold outside, as well as pouring down rain. The
boy bundled up in his warmest and driest clothes and said, 'OK, dad, I'm ready.'
His Pastor dad asked, 'Ready for what?'
'Dad, it's time we gather our tracts together and go out.' Dad responds, 'Son, it's very cold outside and it's pouring down rain.'
The boy gives his dad a surprised look, asking, 'But Dad, aren't people still going
to Hell, even though it's raining?'
Dad answers, 'Son, I am not going out in this weather.' Despondently, the boy asks, 'Dad, can I go? Please?'
His father hesitated for a moment then said, 'Son, you can go. Here are the tracts, be careful son.'
'Thanks Dad!'
And with that, he was off and out into the rain. his eleven year old boy walked the streets of the town going door to door and handing everybody he met in the street a Gospel Tract.
After two hours of walking in the rain, he was soaking, bone-chilled wet and down to his VERY LAST TRACT. He stopped on a corner and looked for someone to hand a tract to, but the streets were totally deserted.
Then he turned toward the first home he saw and started up the sidewalk to the front door and rang the door bell. He rang the bell, but nobody answered. He rang it again and again, but still no one answered. He waited but still no answer.
Finally, this eleven year old trooper turned to leave, but something stopped him. Again, he turned to the door and rang the bell and knocked loudly on the door with his fist. He waited, something holding him there on the front porch! He rang again and this time the door slowly opened. Standing in the doorway was a very sad-looking elderly lady. She softly asked, 'What can I do for you, son?' With radiant eyes and a smile that lit up her world, this little boy said, 'Ma'am, I'm sorry if I disturbed you, but I just want to tell you that *JESUS REALLY DOES LOVE YOU* and I came to give you my very last Gospel Tract which will tell you all about JESUS and His great LOVE.'
With that, he handed her his last tract and turned to leave. She called to him as he departed. 'Thank you, son! And God Bless You!'
Well, the following Sunday morning in church Pastor Dad was in the pulpit. As the service began, he asked, 'Does anybody have any testimony or want to say anything?'
Slowly, in the back row of the church, an elderly lady stood to her feet. As she began to speak, a look of glorious radiance came from her face, 'No one in this church knows me. I've never been here before. You see, before last Sunday I was not a Christian. My husband passed on some time ago, leaving me totally alone in this world. Last Sunday, being a particularly cold and rainy day, it was even more so in my heart that I came to the end of the line where I no longer had any hope or will to live.
So I took a rope and a chair and ascended the stairway into the attic of my home. I fastened the rope securely to a rafter in the roof, then stood on the chair and fastened the other end of the rope around my neck. Standing on that chair, so lonely and brokenhearted I was about to leap off, when suddenly the loud ringing of my doorbell downstairs startled me. I thought, 'I'll wait a minute, and whoever it is will go away.' I waited and waited, but the ringing doorbell seemed to get louder and
more insistent, and then the person ringing also started knocking loudly. I thought to myself again, 'Who on earth could this be? Nobody ever rings my bell or comes to see me.' I loosened the rope from my neck and started for the front door, all the while the bell rang louder and louder.
When I opened the door and looked I could hardly believe my eyes, for there on my front porch was the most radiant and angelic little boy I had ever seen in my life. His SMILE, oh, I could never describe it to you! The words that came from his mouth caused my heart that had long been dead, TO LEAP TO LIFE as he exclaimed with a cherub-like voice, 'Ma'am, I just came to tell you that JESUS REALLY DOES LOVE YOU.' Then he gave me this Gospel Tract that I now hold in my hand.
As the little angel disappeared back out into the cold and rain, I closed my door and read slowly every word of this Gospel Tract. Then I went up to
my attic to get my rope and chair. I wouldn't be needing them any more.
You see---I am now a Happy Child of the KING. Since the address of your church was on the back of this Gospel Tract, I have come here to personally say THANK YOU to God's little angel who came just
in the nick of time and by so doing, spared my soul from an eternity in hell.'
There was not a dry eye in the church. And as shouts of praise and honor to THE KING resounded off the very rafters of the building, Pastor Dad descended from the pulpit to the front pew where the little angel was seated.
He took his son in his arms and sobbed uncontrollably. Probably no church has had a more glorious moment, and probably this universe has never seen a Papa that was more filled with love & honor for his son.... Except for One.
Our Father also allowed His Son to go out into a cold and dark world. He received His Son back with joy unspeakable, and as all of heaven shouted praises and honor to The King, the Father sat His beloved Son on a throne far above all principality and power and every name that is named.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Love is....
A few scriptures from 1 Corinthians 13: 1 ~ 8a (The Message).
If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ectasy, but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.
It I speak of God's Word with power, revealing all His mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain 'Jump', and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing.
If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere.
So, no matter what I do, I am bankrupt without love.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut.
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first",
Doesn't fly of the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of the truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
Love never dies.
Loving others is never an easy task and it is a life-long lesson. But God wants us to love others like we love ourselves, like how He has loved us and we have the best model to look up to which is Jesus Christ!!! =)
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
New day awaits~~
Here I am sitting in front of the computer after a LONG day... Just came back from CF and I know I am supposed to sleep NOW because I need to be at school tomorrow morning, 8.00A.M.. But another voice also told me that I can't sleep right away after my supper. In order to make myself feel better, I do something -- blogging.
Went to school around 9 o'clock today. Thank GOD that no one was there in the petrology lab. I was thankful because yesterday it was crowded. All machines were occupied. Today, I can slowly choose which machine to use. Prepared few more samples today to be annealed tomorrow. Talking about annealing, I must mention about the furnace... Haha... It started long time ago that I found out I need to use the furnace together with Argon-hydrogen gas. Then I was told that the new tank of gas has not arrived yet. So I waited. Then someone suggested me to use the vacuum furnace. So I got a slot for the vacuum furnace. That morning when I finally got to use the furnace due to some unexpected incidents happened that delayed the use of furnace, I was then told that the furnace was spoilt. The technician asked me to wait for few days. But it was not a very good idea. I was told to just use the furnace together with argon gas although it was expected that the results were DEFINITELY not good. What other choices do I have? NO! So after some discussions, negotiations and what-so-ever, I got a slot from a friend. For the next few weeks, I woke up early on the Monday morning just to go to school and get a slot for the coming week. BUT, then only I was told that the gas arrived and I should follow the initial plan. I managed to use the furnace and the gas for once, and then it was finished AGAIN in two weeks. Now, I need to use the vaccum furnace again which is now fully booked!!! Thank GOD for Shu Lee who managed to get a slot for tomorrow and allowing me to put in my samples together with hers. You have no idea how greatful I am... I just hope that it will not spoil AGAIN!!!
Also, I finally got my XRD results today. mostly of them were not that good but there were some really nice results as well. But still, I am still very happy about the results although I still need to continue with my lab works.
Came back to the room at 5, rested, played game then went to CF. We had a speaker today and a bunch of young, talented people. Great to have them here. But I was too tired to entertain them much. Still, I managed to chat with a few of them.
Left with Jason Ling because I was too sleepy and tired... Yes, sleepy and tired. But why am I still awake? Probably I am not... Haha... Good night people~~~
Went to school around 9 o'clock today. Thank GOD that no one was there in the petrology lab. I was thankful because yesterday it was crowded. All machines were occupied. Today, I can slowly choose which machine to use. Prepared few more samples today to be annealed tomorrow. Talking about annealing, I must mention about the furnace... Haha... It started long time ago that I found out I need to use the furnace together with Argon-hydrogen gas. Then I was told that the new tank of gas has not arrived yet. So I waited. Then someone suggested me to use the vacuum furnace. So I got a slot for the vacuum furnace. That morning when I finally got to use the furnace due to some unexpected incidents happened that delayed the use of furnace, I was then told that the furnace was spoilt. The technician asked me to wait for few days. But it was not a very good idea. I was told to just use the furnace together with argon gas although it was expected that the results were DEFINITELY not good. What other choices do I have? NO! So after some discussions, negotiations and what-so-ever, I got a slot from a friend. For the next few weeks, I woke up early on the Monday morning just to go to school and get a slot for the coming week. BUT, then only I was told that the gas arrived and I should follow the initial plan. I managed to use the furnace and the gas for once, and then it was finished AGAIN in two weeks. Now, I need to use the vaccum furnace again which is now fully booked!!! Thank GOD for Shu Lee who managed to get a slot for tomorrow and allowing me to put in my samples together with hers. You have no idea how greatful I am... I just hope that it will not spoil AGAIN!!!
Also, I finally got my XRD results today. mostly of them were not that good but there were some really nice results as well. But still, I am still very happy about the results although I still need to continue with my lab works.
Came back to the room at 5, rested, played game then went to CF. We had a speaker today and a bunch of young, talented people. Great to have them here. But I was too tired to entertain them much. Still, I managed to chat with a few of them.
Left with Jason Ling because I was too sleepy and tired... Yes, sleepy and tired. But why am I still awake? Probably I am not... Haha... Good night people~~~
Thursday, March 5, 2009
FYP stress~~~
I have not been very productive these two days, reason being I just passed up the chapter 2 of my thesis which has already haunted me for days. Besides, things I wanted to do have been delayed again and again. All I can do is just wait... And letting myself regenerate after the exhaustion of writing my chapter 2. Seriously, I have been dreaming about my supervisor scolding me because I haven't passed up my thesis and stuff... Tension~~~
Wanted to get my XRD results so that I can do the comparison and then continue with the next part of my experiment. Hopefully the last part... But the results are not out yet. It is already out of my schedule... Haih~~~~ Before I get my results, I have no reason to see my supervisor. But if I don't see her, she will assume that I am not doing anything... If I make myself to go see her now, I have nothing to tell or ask her... So you know what I know everytime I come to school? I check and see first whether her car is in the school. If she is not, I will really feel relieved... But of course, I will still do my stuff which I am supposed to... Now... I am blogging here at the school's computer lab, waiting for the time to pass, hoping that later I can get my XRD results already.... I really do not want to get scolded again lar~~~~~
Wanted to get my XRD results so that I can do the comparison and then continue with the next part of my experiment. Hopefully the last part... But the results are not out yet. It is already out of my schedule... Haih~~~~ Before I get my results, I have no reason to see my supervisor. But if I don't see her, she will assume that I am not doing anything... If I make myself to go see her now, I have nothing to tell or ask her... So you know what I know everytime I come to school? I check and see first whether her car is in the school. If she is not, I will really feel relieved... But of course, I will still do my stuff which I am supposed to... Now... I am blogging here at the school's computer lab, waiting for the time to pass, hoping that later I can get my XRD results already.... I really do not want to get scolded again lar~~~~~
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